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I know I promised to write something about my adventure in Cambodia, but the truth is, my current experience in Germany is turning out to be more intensive than I thought. As usual I leave with a suitcase full of work to do and then realize I don't have enough time for all the projects I want to carry out. So I start making lists to try not to forget something (which I normally do). After a week in Germany, I already made a first list, but I'm happy to say that I already ticked off half of the stuff I had to do most urgently. It's a start.
Anyway, this post is not about my struggle on time management, but I rather wanted to share with you my recent moment of epiphany. Before going to the point, I just wanted to introduce to you these "moments of epiphany" I sometime have in the most disparate situations. Sometimes I'm wandering around, or on a train home, or working (in the bakery now) and suddenly it feels like two pieces of puzzle that were wandering around in my head for ages finally meet out of the vortex of thoughts that I have (for this chaos of thoughts please refer to my second blog where I post the most random things that pop into my head https://ramblingthoughtsswirlingwords.wordpress.com) and for a minute moment I stand still, struck, amazed by the perfect conclusion of thoughts that these two pieces create. It's an awesome feeling, by the way.
So, last week I was on the train heading to school, and suddenly two strings of thoughts that have been swirling in my head met, and allowed me to formulate a comparison between two unrelated matters.
A few months back I broke up with my boyfriend who sadly was also one of my old time friends. It felt like the world was ending, like there was no turning back from there, and it actually was. After this break up I felt torn down to pieces, I crumbled on the ground, I was completely destroyed. All I believed, all I worked for, all I cared about was gone, and there seemed to be no solution for it. I felt like a complete failure, for not managing to stay in a relationship, not even with one of my best friends. I kept thinking "if it didn't work with him it won't work with anyone else, so, this is like, the end of it". I obviously lost all sense of love-longing and retreated into the dark hole of loveless people. I still carried out pretty brilliantly the important tasks I had to do (like getting my Bachelor degree and participating in the organization of the 68th edition of the Locarno International Film Festival), but I felt like I couldn't feel the same emotions as before and that I never would. I felt like I wouldn't trust anyone anymore (not that I've ever trusted a lot of people, but still), since I once truly trusted and then fell from cloud nine. So, this is the first string of thoughts.
And then the second, which is actually much older than this one: it started swirling around after my visit to my relatives in California, where I discovered a lot of people that really care about religion, to the point of making it an important part of their daily lives. People that firmly believe that praying can turn things around and that thank God for their achievements. Having learned about religion but being in a household where religion wasn't really practiced, I distanced myself from it as the years went by. Nowadays I don't know what I believe in, maybe I'll write a post about it, since I have a lot of thoughts on religion too. But, back to the point.
So suddenly these two strings met and I realized that I now think of love in terms that I previously thought of religion. I don't really know if I envy people that so firmly believe in God, that have such strength and faith in something that they can't touch or see, or if on the contrary I would belittle them for this. And I now think the same about love. I don't know if I should envy people that believe so strongly in love, who believe that everyone has an "other half" and who completely trust another person on every matter. I realize I now think that these people are crazy for having such faith in love, such faith in God.
Are these people fools or am I weak?
Anyway, this post is not about my struggle on time management, but I rather wanted to share with you my recent moment of epiphany. Before going to the point, I just wanted to introduce to you these "moments of epiphany" I sometime have in the most disparate situations. Sometimes I'm wandering around, or on a train home, or working (in the bakery now) and suddenly it feels like two pieces of puzzle that were wandering around in my head for ages finally meet out of the vortex of thoughts that I have (for this chaos of thoughts please refer to my second blog where I post the most random things that pop into my head https://ramblingthoughtsswirlingwords.wordpress.com) and for a minute moment I stand still, struck, amazed by the perfect conclusion of thoughts that these two pieces create. It's an awesome feeling, by the way.
So, last week I was on the train heading to school, and suddenly two strings of thoughts that have been swirling in my head met, and allowed me to formulate a comparison between two unrelated matters.
A few months back I broke up with my boyfriend who sadly was also one of my old time friends. It felt like the world was ending, like there was no turning back from there, and it actually was. After this break up I felt torn down to pieces, I crumbled on the ground, I was completely destroyed. All I believed, all I worked for, all I cared about was gone, and there seemed to be no solution for it. I felt like a complete failure, for not managing to stay in a relationship, not even with one of my best friends. I kept thinking "if it didn't work with him it won't work with anyone else, so, this is like, the end of it". I obviously lost all sense of love-longing and retreated into the dark hole of loveless people. I still carried out pretty brilliantly the important tasks I had to do (like getting my Bachelor degree and participating in the organization of the 68th edition of the Locarno International Film Festival), but I felt like I couldn't feel the same emotions as before and that I never would. I felt like I wouldn't trust anyone anymore (not that I've ever trusted a lot of people, but still), since I once truly trusted and then fell from cloud nine. So, this is the first string of thoughts.
And then the second, which is actually much older than this one: it started swirling around after my visit to my relatives in California, where I discovered a lot of people that really care about religion, to the point of making it an important part of their daily lives. People that firmly believe that praying can turn things around and that thank God for their achievements. Having learned about religion but being in a household where religion wasn't really practiced, I distanced myself from it as the years went by. Nowadays I don't know what I believe in, maybe I'll write a post about it, since I have a lot of thoughts on religion too. But, back to the point.
So suddenly these two strings met and I realized that I now think of love in terms that I previously thought of religion. I don't really know if I envy people that so firmly believe in God, that have such strength and faith in something that they can't touch or see, or if on the contrary I would belittle them for this. And I now think the same about love. I don't know if I should envy people that believe so strongly in love, who believe that everyone has an "other half" and who completely trust another person on every matter. I realize I now think that these people are crazy for having such faith in love, such faith in God.
Are these people fools or am I weak?
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